I’ve been a father now for over six months, an expert you could say. This period has been more difficult than I could have ever imagined - and I went in expecting this to be insanely hard. It’s also been more incredible and rewarding than anything. The fact that both of those sentences can accurately describe the same period of life is hard to comprehend.
Day 0
No movie, prenatal class or horror story from friends or family can prepare you to watch your wife go through that much pain. But then suddenly the little creature who’s been kicking her for months is screaming at the doctors and blinking its dark little eyes at you and you are overcome with love.
Month 1 - Coming Home
In Cayman, fathers get all of zero days paternity leave by law. My company graciously allowed me two. Just enough to get my wife and child home from the hospital before heading back to the accounting coal mines. Thankfully I was able to take some vacation days as a world of firsts began.
As a dad, you’re a bit useless to the baby in the beginning. Just somebody to yell at until you can hand them to the Dairy Queen. This month was about figuring out how to be helpful to my wife, who just seemed to naturally know exactly what to do while I fumbled about. Holding that sleeping nugget in your arms makes those long nights worth it.
Month 2 - Meeting the Family
Seeing my parents hold their grandchild for the first time, witnessing my wife’s family show up and support her, core memories. Having family around feels especially significant when we live so far from all of them. I will cherish having the family over in our home for a good old South African braai, with my dad - the Braai Master - cooking the meat for us. Much safer than letting me give everyone salmonella.
braai - noun - SOUTH AFRICAN ENGLISH
a picnic or barbecue where meat is grilled over an open fire.
Month 3 - Being Away
I’ve been blessed to travel for work, and blessed that it’s not so often that it disrupts family life. In fact we’ve been super privileged to turn previous work trips into opportunities for a vacation afterward. But in this early season of having a baby, leaving for a week to be a 12 hour flight from my girls was hard.
I did manage to use the opportunity to buy our daughter a fancy French made high chair, squeezing these bits of wood and metal into my suitcase, and triggering airport searches at multiple security check points.
Our girl starts to go from the odd social smile to a social butterfly. Her whole face lights up with wonder and joy when she sees you. Picking her up after a nap is pure delight, putting her down for a nap a little less so.
Month 4 - Mother’s Day
Mother’s day happened to be on the same weekend as our next vaccine round. In my infinite wisdom I booked a beautiful sushi restaurant to take the girls to. After a poop-splosion on arrival that resulted in me accidentally throwing her nicest outfit in the garbage instead of the poop, we settled into a quiet corner of the restaurant.
Ten minutes in, our daughter decided she was having none of this and we had to make a swift exit before we scared all the patrons away. My wife made a dash to the car while I got our meal to go, slinking back to the safety of our home. I did manage to make a word out of food though which is a shining moment in my limited culinary achievements.
Smiles and wonder are the order of the day. Our little girl has started to become more aware of the world around her. My wife reads about this brilliant idea to tie balloons to a baby’s feet and it provides hours of entertainment for the whole family minus the dog who is terrified of balloons.
Month 5 - One Day at a Time
My father’s day wasn’t a rousing success either. At this point, after a few tough months of trying to maintain our social agenda and failing, having our sleep stolen from the cutest sleep bandit, and hitting new levels of exhausted we hunkered down at home. We stuck to routines as much as we could, we gave ourselves more grace and started to appreciate easy weekends at home more.
One of those routines, which we still do today, is an evening walk. Each day after work we take a stroll and catch up on the day, something my wife and I have been doing for a few years. This has become more relaxing as we get into the groove and everybody looks forward to them.
Month 6 - Our First Trip
Our first flight as a family, our first vacation together. While great to see family and friends this trip was exhausting, breaking a routine we had just started to get right. We planned to visit my brother-in-law’s Church one Sunday, arriving just in time to the school hall where the service is held. As I lifted our little girl out of her car seat I discovered the biggest poop-splosion she has ever made.
The poop had made its way through her nappy, through her clothes, onto the car seat and poured down into the holes the belts come through, filling every crevice under the seat. In a foreign country, in a random school classroom, soaking paper towel after paper towel with poop. Muttering to myself about the sadist who designs a baby’s seat with holes lined up exactly with a nappy’s most likely point of failure. Dad life can be glamorous sometimes.
These first six months of being a dad have highlighted my many flaws, but also exposed some hidden talents. I do not operate well in any capacity on limited sleep, but I can change a nappy while the subject is doing full 180-degree turns.
The small moments you get to laugh about with your partner as you are both challenged and pushed to the end of your limits and beyond - those moments are priceless. I’m so lucky I get to do this with my hot best friend. This life adventure feels significant like nothing I’ve done before. Like every effort made is investing into the life of this precious little being you’ve been blessed with raising.
Your reward is seeing them thrive.
Six months of wonder and delight! Thanks for sharing this journey with us and for keeping it real ❤️ In time, there'll be less explosive diapers 😂 And no matter what, your little girl's sweetness will continue to melt your heart. Enjoy it all, friend!